The only thing thats keeping the weight on my shoulders is the importance of the task at hand. To fail is to invite doubt into everything i had believed in and lived for.
Im 17 years old.. 185 pounds.. 6 feet tall.. Not of much different from any other sapians. Maybe just a little bigger than your ordinary kid. But there's something about my saneness that sets me apart. At times it drives me close to insanity.. At times it was my weapon of mass destruction to invite clarity..
The days of taste and colours seems so near yet so far - Days when i could spend time with my girl, late night parties, walking into a grease truck and eating a fuckin burger without guilt. But fuck im a different person altogether now. Days of fun and temporary satisfaction? Fuck that.. The only fun to me now is to achieve.. Shit - I dont even have enough time nor space for myself let alone other unnecessary commitments. Maturing to become ignorant, passionless and unaffected by things that dont matter. I dont see them. Let alone understand them. To what others see as a problem i walk right through them oblivious to its presence.
Just the other day i was supposed to meet my mates for a reunion. Was rather reluctant to fork out a 4.5 pounds worth of beef money out. I had to have my ass covered up for the next couple of hours so i had my cooler out.. Woke up early to get things done.. Pushing my day forward so that i could meet them. Fuck yeah.. Part of me was human and i missed them.. So i ended up walking the shore for an 8km at least. As usual i was there early. Their presence was absent.. Fuck i thought we were in the same time zone here.. So i walked back home exhausted, hungry and dissappointed.. By the time i reached home i was soo damn hungry. I i almost popped my hamster into the microwave.. It swore it looked like a walking glazed drumstick.. Anyway.. i dropped the idea and had a basket of eggs, a can of tuna, 3 chicken breasts, some beef, a patato, a jug of milk and oatmeal with some raisins and went to sleep exhausted, satisfied and defeated.