The pressure. The heat.
I broke down. I cried for the first time in a year. I cant fucking take the pressure. As much as i want to keep this blog alive, im paying the price. The commitment, the dedication , the sacrifises. Its all so fucking real.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and i tore up the pictures and packed the gifts into the trash bag. All the years of hardwork we put together to make it work went down the drain in a matter of few mistakes. Not a day passed me by without a thought of you at the back of my head even until this day. At times it fueled me. At times it broke me. I cant say i've accomplished much but i believe this as a point of failure of no return. To whomever said failure was never fatal. This time its real. There's no turning back time to make things right. If i could turn back time to make things right i would. But its too late for that. Sometimes, second chances are unpreachable. The days where love used to live. It'll never happen again. At least I wont make it happen. There's a barrier in my heart which will never be breached again.EVER. I can never look at another girl the same way that i looked at you. Never will. Im sick of trying. This is where it stops. A heart of Stone - Cold and heartless. Ill live by it.
I kept the gifts in my closet for about a year now. If the past year was about you then this year is about me. In exactly that period of time to the future i will be on stage under those bright lights. Thats too short a time to be dwelling on past events. Its time to look forward. All eyes on the fucking gold. Be bold. Its time to claim the fucking gold. I want this more then anyone else and i'll walk the talk. Todays marks the day that I move on from all this anchors. Ill burn the pictures. Destroy the gifts. I'll break barriers. I said this once and i'll say it before. Its time for a revolution. Its time for change. Fuck mindless resolutions. All efforts as humanly as possible to achieve the impossible.
I failed too much today. Turning into a maddening rampage destroying everything at sight. Smashing the mirror at sight. Broke the chalkboard. Limped the shoe cupboard. Flung the vacuum cleaner. Im ashamed of myself. My sisters broke down watching helplessy as I broke down. I play a big part of this family and i failed to uphold that respect. I blame myself. I put too much at myself. Always aiming for A's. To be the best in this fucked up sport called bodybuilding. To be the nicest motherfucker one would ever known. To be humble. Looks like some things really got to go.
As much as this blog was all about, it is about overcoming obstacles to reach the point of purity. To preach immortality. Ill keep this blog up till the day i stop doing that. I am hydher. This is my journey. This is the day where my life is about me and me only. To the loyal followers hold on tight because this is going to be hell of a bumpy ride. Gear up and lets push against the restrains.
The time is now.
You dont know the meaning of dedication, commitment,hunger, sacrifice and disipline the way that i do. Those words define me. I've got too much potential left. There's no time to be pissing in the wind. If you say that we bodybuilders are a low-life egoistic vain freak who spent their whole life in the edge of chaos just for that one day to look good on stage then that it shall be. Im proud of that. A physical achievement.
Brothers' We are the makers of our destiny. The keepers of our faith. Lets let it stay that way.
I broke down. I cried for the first time in a year. I cant fucking take the pressure. As much as i want to keep this blog alive, im paying the price. The commitment, the dedication , the sacrifises. Its all so fucking real.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and i tore up the pictures and packed the gifts into the trash bag. All the years of hardwork we put together to make it work went down the drain in a matter of few mistakes. Not a day passed me by without a thought of you at the back of my head even until this day. At times it fueled me. At times it broke me. I cant say i've accomplished much but i believe this as a point of failure of no return. To whomever said failure was never fatal. This time its real. There's no turning back time to make things right. If i could turn back time to make things right i would. But its too late for that. Sometimes, second chances are unpreachable. The days where love used to live. It'll never happen again. At least I wont make it happen. There's a barrier in my heart which will never be breached again.EVER. I can never look at another girl the same way that i looked at you. Never will. Im sick of trying. This is where it stops. A heart of Stone - Cold and heartless. Ill live by it.
I kept the gifts in my closet for about a year now. If the past year was about you then this year is about me. In exactly that period of time to the future i will be on stage under those bright lights. Thats too short a time to be dwelling on past events. Its time to look forward. All eyes on the fucking gold. Be bold. Its time to claim the fucking gold. I want this more then anyone else and i'll walk the talk. Todays marks the day that I move on from all this anchors. Ill burn the pictures. Destroy the gifts. I'll break barriers. I said this once and i'll say it before. Its time for a revolution. Its time for change. Fuck mindless resolutions. All efforts as humanly as possible to achieve the impossible.
I failed too much today. Turning into a maddening rampage destroying everything at sight. Smashing the mirror at sight. Broke the chalkboard. Limped the shoe cupboard. Flung the vacuum cleaner. Im ashamed of myself. My sisters broke down watching helplessy as I broke down. I play a big part of this family and i failed to uphold that respect. I blame myself. I put too much at myself. Always aiming for A's. To be the best in this fucked up sport called bodybuilding. To be the nicest motherfucker one would ever known. To be humble. Looks like some things really got to go.
As much as this blog was all about, it is about overcoming obstacles to reach the point of purity. To preach immortality. Ill keep this blog up till the day i stop doing that. I am hydher. This is my journey. This is the day where my life is about me and me only. To the loyal followers hold on tight because this is going to be hell of a bumpy ride. Gear up and lets push against the restrains.
The time is now.
You dont know the meaning of dedication, commitment,hunger, sacrifice and disipline the way that i do. Those words define me. I've got too much potential left. There's no time to be pissing in the wind. If you say that we bodybuilders are a low-life egoistic vain freak who spent their whole life in the edge of chaos just for that one day to look good on stage then that it shall be. Im proud of that. A physical achievement.
Brothers' We are the makers of our destiny. The keepers of our faith. Lets let it stay that way.
Labels: The perfect fall.