Its been too long. Too long since i last let loose. Its been too long since i last tasted victory and savour it with my arms. I am hungry. Hungry for success and whatever that comes with it. I need a ground. Something which i could fall back upon if i lost my legs or an arm. I need to set free. Break grounds with the dearest things in life with i have to.
Life lately have been all about compromise. Compromising training.Compromising Sleep.Compromising Food. Compromising family and friends. Sometimes when misunderstanding happens i wonder to myself. Why cant i just live life under the rug? Emerge and deal with all this unnessary politics only when its time. People like to mix politics in competitions to higher up the stakes. But thats not me. Im just a simple man. With a vision. With a dream. I wish in life not to make enemies. I need people, friends and family to stand by me in attaining my goals and achieving my dreams. I want all this to go away.
To myren. If youre reading this. Im really sorry. I know that more can be done. Im just not someone who can be your good friend. Im not fit enough. Im just too selfish. I feel that i think too much at times. Im ridden of my emotions. At times i feel as if i could give more but i hold myself back. I put myself before anyone else. A friend gives and never expects and i just cant do that. Im sorry that i cant go massages with you because i cant afford it. Im sorry that i cant go jigsaw searching with you because i cant compromise time. Like arnold said. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. But in the position that i am now, I feel helpless and im sick of compromising. I want life to go my way.
Every little thing put to me is a commitment.I take commitment as a chore. No emotions. It just have to be done and done good. This has become me. I can be heartless at time. Cold and at times insensitive.
I want to be alone. Understanding me can be one of the hardest things to do.
* To that someone. You said that you loved me forever but you dun understand the meanings of the words Im sorry. Ive yet to speak to you for years but the memories lives on like a breath away. I could close these very eyes and picture your unforgettable face. That soft touch which left me trembling. That sweet melodic voice. That kiss that would take all my troubles away. All the physical existence that held you to me tarnishes. All thats left is who you were and who you was and thats too much for me to handle. You taught me how to love. You unclipped my wings and thought me how to fly. You untied this hands and taught me how to touch. You taught me how to think. But how could you touch and leave. A part of me was ripped off the seconds you walked out that door, never looking back. I can never be the same again. I said this before and ill say this again. I meant this before and i meant this again. I miss you. More than words could ever emote. More than actions could ever evoke. I cant teach myself to love again. Not with all this expectations left to meet. Not with all the insecurities of life. I cant trust my emotions again after what it left me with. Not until this scars has healed. Not moment passes without thinking of you. Your number recites in my head like a poem. Turn me time back to the moment we last touch because i want to treasure it better. Im sorry. But this time, i know better.